Crossroads

Leaves from the vine

Falling so slow

Like fragile, tiny shells

Drifting in the foam

Little soldier boy

Comes marching home

Brave soldier boy

Comes marching home.

The show that never fails to inspire me every time I rewatch it: Avatar – The Legend of Aang. I remember now my love for fantasy writing and the series I started writing back when I was twelve. But unlike then, I have not written a story in over a year.

A very sad fate for a writer. I have fallen so far.

There is a girl in my class whom others disapprove of for not putting effort into her school work. I admire her for her consistency  and hard work in her writing. Put me next to her in a writing competition and I will become someone you will also disapprove of.

I used to write four hours a day, sometimes for the entire day. I did nothing but write and read back then (and maybe half an hour of watching Avatar on TV each night). There was PSLE but I would still write. I wrote incessantly until I was sixteen and writing stopped becoming my escape from reality. I used reality to escape the pain of fantasy.

The pain is still here. I do not know if I am ready to face it yet. But today, reality is more painful than fantasy so maybe fantasy will become my solace again.

Avatar has taught me many things about the world and about myself. Most of all, it is a reminder of what I wanted to achieve coming to DTVM. The characters in the show embody the values that I want for myself: contemplation (wisdom), kindness and discipline.

I remember when destiny was my favourite word.

These days I am missing the will to fulfil my dreams and I am torn between my natural self and the person I worked hard to become.

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